How To Keep From Massively Burning Out At Life
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Ever notice how when you start to get burnt out, life starts to feel dim, fuzzy around the edges.
That's how I began to feel about life. Dim, fuzzy, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't bring clarity to any area in my life and I felt miserable.
At first, I didn't recognize what I was feeling was indeed straight-up burnout. I just thought I was tired, perhaps not getting enough rest...go to bed earlier. Or maybe it was my diet and I wasn't fueling my body correctly... tweak the diet. Perhaps I wasn't doing enough of my to-do list every day (because we all know there is no actual end to the to-list)...do more things.
I tried harder. I thought that if only I could organize every detail of my life better, burn through more of my to-do list faster, keep up with all of the work, social, and life obligations, make everyone around me happy, and be a rockstar-business-goddess success overnight then I would feel better.
Nope.
“Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.”
Everything just got worse. My hair started to fall out in startling amounts, I gained 10 pounds, I lost friends, couldn't keep up with everything, and instead of getting more organized and more on top of it all, I got behind! I was acting emotionally irrational towards my love interest and was really just a hot mess, but not in the sexy sort of way.
What I was doing was not working. Hustle harder was not the answer.
So I sat back, looked at my life and what was really going on, and realized a few things. Then I took action and made changes that actually made a difference!
Massive life burnout comes from three main sources:
A) Trying to be superhuman and do all of the things, spreading yourself too thin, and trying to do it all on a perfectionist level.
B) Doing too many things that you really don't enjoy and that does not light you up and leave you feeling fulfilled and satisfied.
C) Not taking time to nourish and take care of yourself.
Here is what I learned in no particular order of importance (because they all made a world of difference).
01// Be vulnerable and let the people whom you know truly love, care, and support you know what's going in your life. Don't try to keep up a false facade that everything is great if it's not. Let them know what you're working on, where you're going in life, what your struggles are, and when you feel overwhelmed.
Honesty and vulnerability with your loving tribe will help to bolster you up. You're more likely to get the physical help and emotional support you need and there is no shame in that. Especially as women, we need the social support of other women to truly thrive at our best. Lori Harder just came out with a beautiful book going into depth about the importance of women developing a tight-knit tribe with other amazing women. You can find it here.
02// Outsource anything you can. Free up as much of your time and brain space for the things that truly light you up and need your attention. This will vary widely depending on where you live and what your needs are but consider things like a grocery delivery service like Instacart, pet food/supply delivery (I use Chewey). Hire a house cleaner for weekly or perhaps just seasonal deep cleaning. Make an appointment with a personal shopper to help you keep your wardrobe updated without the hassle. Some stores like Nordstrom offer this service for free. Or sign up for an online service like Rent the Runway and have special occasion wear show up at your doorstep to rent.
Make a list of what you enjoy doing and truly does need your attention and outsource the rest.
03// Detox your social media. I'm not suggesting to stop using it or take a break but look at the people you follow and who are following you. Do you truly care about what they are sharing and exposing you to? Consider clearing out anyone who is regularly causing drama, posting negative comments, or unpleasant posts. Social media should be a fun place to keep up with people and interests that you enjoy and leave you with a good feeling. Seeing negative images or comments is upsetting and causes stress which builds up and contributes to burnout.
04// Take a close look at your social circle. Are you spending time with the people who love and support you? Do they get you? After you've spent time with them, do you feel happy and uplifted? If you dread hanging out with someone or leave feeling drained, unhappy, like you don't fit in, or as though you're not "good enough" then they probably are not a good fit for your personal tribe.
Over the years I've learned to pay attention to how I feel when I'm around someone and take heed of that feeling. I've also learned that some friendships come and go and that's a natural part of life. When we're in different phases of life we need certain people to connect with and it can be great but people change and we don't always change together. Trying to hang on to a friendship or a person when it no longer feels good or right will drain you fast.
05// Schedule ME time. Literally, schedule time on your calendar every single day for you to do something that you enjoy and allows you to relax and step back from all of the responsibilities pounding at your door. Whether it's your morning routine or a bubble bath at the end of the day, you have to take care of yourself if you want to thrive.
Women especially can feel guilty for taking time out of the day to relax and do something just for themselves but it really is essential to your health. You'll be able to show up for your family, relationships, and work responsibilities in a much healthier and more inspired way.
06// Make a list of all of the things in your life that you dislike and are not satisfied with. Write everything down, big or small, and then go down your list and brainstorm ideas on how to either eliminate it completely from your life or how to change it into something you can handle.
Sometimes it's just a perception shift that needs to happen. We can be in seasons of life that are hard but we know it's building something in us and leading to exciting things in the future.
07// Make a list of everything in your life that you love, is going well, and lights you up. Go down your list and brainstorm ways you can add more of those things into your life.
08// Don't be afraid to make the changes you know you need to make. When massive burnout happens it's a message. A very clear message that changes need to be made. Some of the changes can be very difficult and very scary. But they need to happen or you will not be able to step into a thriving life.
I allowed the burnout I was living in to continue to the point of near collapse. I was terrified of making the changes I knew needed to happen.
But I can tell you now that it's worth it to listen to the message for the change massive life burnout brings.
xoxo Sarah
